Wednesday, 3 April 2013

Wicked Wednesday: Discussion

Let's discuss discussion, shall we?

Discussion is super important in relationships, any relationships, but especially in kinky relationships. The discussion of limits is possibly the most important discussion you will have with your play partner. If I'm honest, I find discussing limits hard, I don't want to let people down and ruling out certain types of play sometimes feels that way, but it has to be done. Another reason I find it hard is because I'm always a bit worried that I'll miss something! Either something I love will get forgotten or I wont have thought of everything that is a hard limit of mine.
To make things a bit easier for me I'm in the process of making a list that I can refer to when the question comes up. As I think of, or find out about, new types of play they either get put on my hard or soft limits, or it gets left off the list and is acceptable.
Many people advise that your limits list should be inclusive rather than exclusive (I hope I got that the right way around), meaning you list things that you will do and not things you wont, because it's safer that way. I'm not sure either way is better, though I can absolutely see the sense in it being an inclusive list, that way you know what you're getting in to, but my list is exclusive and being built in the hopes I can exclude everything that isn't for me, and it's also helping me learn about new kinks.

I seem to have got sidetracked somewhat by my list, so let's get back to the discussion. It can be awkward, but it needs to be done and done well, so put on your grown up panties and get on with it. Take a deep breath, get out your list (mental or otherwise) and state your kinks, loud and proud. And remember that discussion goes both ways, so listen to the other person's list too. Take notes if you need to, ask questions, make sure you take it all in. As I said before, this is a super important discussion, and you owe it to all involved to make sure it's successful.
Wicked Wednesday... be inspired & share...

12 comments:

  1. What you have said above is very true and should be repeated frequently, because sometimes people forget how important it is to discuss limits, also because limits can change. Thanks for reminding us :)

    Rebel xox

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    1. Thank you! Absolutely, my limits have changed since I became aware I was kinky, definitely something to go back and look at every so often.

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  2. Maybe this might be a helpful starting place http://mollysdailykiss.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/BDSM_Checklist2010.xls

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    1. That's a really useful list, thank you. I shall spend some time going through it and use that as my limits list! Thank you!

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  3. Interesting read; my wife and I don't play seriously so it's always intriguing to read people who do!

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  4. I think with a BDSM style check list you should list every damn thing you can think of, whether it be something you would do or not and then indicate where that falls for you... ie, love it, it's OK, I want to try it, maybe, possibly maybe but probably not and NO. That way there are not surprises about subjects that might have got set aside because they are a No or a yes please. If you would like a copy of a BDSM checklist, give me a shout in twitter and I can send you a link.

    I agree about discussion though and list are a great way to stimulate good open discussions

    Mollyxxx

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    1. You're right, I've got a new list now (from your site!) which I'm going to go through and fill in.

      Thanks

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  5. My kink? I love rope *shivers*

    Rachel x

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    1. I've only tried rope once but I loved it and really want to try again!

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  6. Wow, I feel like the ultimate freak at times because I live to play on the darker side. I have two hard limits and everything else is game till proven otherwise. NO scat and you better be legal (as in over 21).
    Now you got my mind racing, do I have other limits I don't know about. I am a Sadist but I started out as a sub, No I haven't see it all but I love to explore

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    1. I don't think it's a matter of being a "freak" it's just personal preference. What floats your boat might not do it for others and vice versa. Another commenter left this link which is a fabulous dowloadable list: http://mollysdailykiss.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/BDSM_Checklist2010.xls

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