Following on from yesterday's post which touched on denying my true self, I thought I'd explore some more why I struggle to truly accept my kinky side.
I go through phases where I crave kink, during those times I feel that I do accept it and I am happy for it to be a part of me, but I always find that when that phase has passed I feel shame.
I feel ashamed of what I did during that time, what I have said and how I have felt. I know that I shouldn't feel ashamed because it is a part of me and sexuality is a natural part of life, but it's how I feel.
I feel like there are two people inside me, one prim, proper, straight laced girl and one depraved slut and I don't know how to combine the two to create the slutty yet shy girl I feel that I am.
I know it is something I need to work on alone, that it is unfair to bring my current issues into a relationship if one does crop up, but I find it so much easier to accept myself when someone else loves and accepts me.