Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Wicked Wednesday: Decision



So...it's been a long time! I haven't ventured onto Fetlife, or my kinky twitter account, or Facebook, or even Tumblr for ages. I haven't been feeling the kinky vibe. I thought maybe it wasn't a part of me anymore, but no, tonight it is definitely a part of me again. I've been having kinky dreams and needing it in my life.
I miss it. I miss it a lot right now. I miss everything about it. From the tiny little things like having someone's lap to bend over, to the big things like having someone to defer the decision making to. I miss sharing the everyday stuff with someone and I miss the sexy stuff too.

So it seems I have a decision to make; to battle with myself and learn to truly accept that kink is a part of me and bring it into my everyday, or to reject it completely, delete all those kinky accounts, and pretend like I don't need to be spanked, chained up, forced to cum or denied orgasm.

The problem is that I find it difficult to bring the sexy side of it in to my everyday, I'm not an overly sexual person, I can go months without wanting sex, but I still want the dynamic, I still want to "yes Sir/Mistress" someone and know that if I don't there will be punishment. I need a dominant in my life. Someone I can touch, not someone so far away that we're not even in the same time zone. It's too hard, long distance, but turns out finding someone in real life is even harder.

And that's my ramble inspired by the prompt "decision". Do I accept the kink and hunt harder for a dom, or give it up and quit looking completely?

Wicked Wednesday... a place to be wickedly sexy or sexily wicked

6 comments:

  1. Some decisions are very hard to make. Instinctively when I read this post, I thought "NO, never deny who you are" in other words, do not cut kink out of your life entirely, because that will make you all too unhappy. That is my opinion. You are who you are and maybe you cannot find what you are looking for now, but keep your options open and who knows what you might find down the road. And please, don't delete all your account :)

    Rebel xox

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  2. accept things as they are . the sexy side of life shouldn't be brought into everyday life unless you are comfortable with it . nothing wrong delving into kink when you feel like it

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  3. There is a saying "when the student is ready the teacher will appear" Somehow I believe when all the parts are ready you will be ready too- and you can just allow that to happen and make every day count for something.

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  4. There is a saying "when the student is ready the teacher will appear" Somehow I believe when all the parts are ready you will be ready too- and you can just allow that to happen and make every day count for something.

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  5. i know it's not the same as having some one ther in the flesh but if you want to play , you know where i am

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  6. I wasn't looking for someone, but I was looking for kinky contacts. I met several casually and then one came along and now he's a permanent part of my life and the kink is there whenever we need it. We do not do 24/7 we are exclusively bedroom only and that suits us. Neither of us was looking for a "relationship" it just happened when neither of us expected it too.

    You are what you are and denying what you need will not take it away, but, in the end the decision is always yours to make.

    I wish you the very best whichever way you decide to go.

    ~Mia~ xx

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