Inspired by this Submissive Guide Journal Prompt, I thought I'd talk today about what changes I'd make in my sexual attitudes and thoughts, as a welcome back to blogging for me! Apologies if this makes no sense, I'm a glass of wine down writing this! (Yes, I'm a cheap date!)
The main change I would make to my sexual attitude is the removal of shame. Despite chatting on Twitter about what I enjoy and what I'm up to, despite being open on Fetlife and having kinky friends, I feel a level of shame about my desires. A fear of judgement I suppose.
I like a variety of things sexually, I don't need to go into them in this blog post, some are 'socially acceptable,' most aren't. Sadly, I am driven by a desperate need to fit in and that means that knowing my desires aren't understood or accepted by most of society gets to me.
When I was younger I imagined that, when I was older, all my friends would be kinky, my family would be accepting, and all would be well. I would marry kinky and we could be open about it to everyone. Of course, in reality that just doesn't happen, or it didn't for me anyway. I find myself currently looking for love, but not wanting to settle for a vanilla relationship, and where I am located people, let alone munches, are hard to come by!
But my attitude to my own sexuality, the shame I have of it is, I'm sure, preventing me from finding the Dom(me) of my dreams. If I owned it, if I wasn't afraid to discuss what I like and don't like, if I was proud of my sexuality, maybe then I wouldn't be so afraid to go to munches if they ever did happen locally. Maybe then I could take control of my search for love, feel empowered by long distance kink relationships and generally enjoy myself a damn sight more.
Any tips for embracing my sexuality and letting go of the shame that haunts me?